Expert Help for Seniors with Drug or Alcohol Concerns
Al-Anon and Nar-Anon
Al-Anon and Nar-Anon meetings (the Twelve Step Programs for significant others of alcoholics and addicts) can help a person in recovery to work through issues using principles based on the Twelve Steps. What meetings and members in recovery do NOT do is to give advice or tell someone what to do. This approach would deprive the recipient of the opportunity to experience growth by his/her own application of tools of recovery, the best way to learn.
See right column for Al-Anon and Nar-Anon web sites.
An Important Recovery Principle
"The only person I can change is me!" If you have a loved one who has an addiction problem, one of the crucial facts that you have to become comfortable with is that for all practical purposes you cannot control whether or not, how little or how much, or when or where, an alcoholic or addict drinks or uses drugs. That control can only come from the decision of a the addict or alcoholic to stop use and seek help.
Powerlessness in Al-Anon and Nar-Anon Recovery
Being in charge, in control, and self-sufficient, sound like valuable traits to have, but can, in a person in a close relationship with an addict or alcoholic, result in isolation, frustration, and mental turmoil and confusion. What we can learn in recovery in Al-Anon and Nar-Anon is a balanced understanding of what we can control, and what we cannot control, that is, what we are powerless over (Step One of the Twelve Steps: "We admitted we were powerless over alcohol..."). Clearly we cannot control our significant other's behavior, including whether he/she drinks or drugs. What we learn is that we can control, with the help of others in recovery and our Higher Power, how we react to whatever it is that we cannot control. It is a great freedom to realize that we need not control anyone else, only our own thoughts, actions, and reactions.
An Al-Anon or Nar-Anon Thought
"Mind your own business" is often said to be a reasonable shorthand summary of many of the principles of the Twelve Step Programs, Al-Anon and Nar-Anon. In other words, remind yourself on a daily basis, or more often, as needed, that you have little control over the behavior of the addict or alcoholic, and that trying to keep tabs on that behavior can be a true waste of time and energy.
Does someone you care about have a problem with alcohol or other drugs?
This blog will have information to help you figure out the answer to this question. I will also provide you information about how to take care of yourself when you are in a close relationship with someone who has a drug or alcohol problem.
Let me tell you about my background and qualifications to help you. I have been a licensed addictions counselor working with alcoholics and addicts, and those that care about them, for over 27 years. I am also in long term recovery myself (almost 30 years) and grew up in a home with alcoholism. I, therefore, have a lot of personal and professional experience with addictions.
For more information about me, follow this link: http://www.alcoholdrugsos.com/aboutjanwilliams.html.
OK, to get right to the point, how do you begin to figure out if someone you know has a drug or alcohol problem. Here is a quick little screening test:
● I feel tense, or worried when the person uses, or begins to use, alcohol or other drugs.
● I am fearful of talking to the person about his/her alcohol or other drug use.
● I have been embarrassed by the person's behavior while using alcohol or other drugs.
● I am afraid to let the person drive when he/she has been using.
● I make excuses to myself and/or others for the person's behavior under the influence,
such as: "It's stress." “It's the job." "It's not a big deal. Everyone gets that way every once
in a while."
● I wonder why the person has to use before we can be intimate.
● I try not to upset the person for fear he/she will drink or use drugs inappropriately.
● I worry that the person's problem use of drugs or alcohol is due to some failing in me: "I'm
not...(fill in the blank)”, e.g., "sexy enough", "fun enough", "smart enough."
● I am fearful when the person uses because of his/her past verbal or physical abuse under
the influence.
● I am beginning to think of not going to social events or not inviting people over because of
concern about the person's alcohol or other drug use.
Presence of any of these reactions indicates that the person you care about may have, or be developing, a problem with alcohol or other drugs.
If you have questions or wish counseling, go to my web site: http://www.alcoholdrugsos.com
