Expert Help for Seniors with Drug or Alcohol Concerns
Al-Anon and Nar-Anon
Al-Anon and Nar-Anon meetings (the Twelve Step Programs for significant others of alcoholics and addicts) can help a person in recovery to work through issues using principles based on the Twelve Steps. What meetings and members in recovery do NOT do is to give advice or tell someone what to do. This approach would deprive the recipient of the opportunity to experience growth by his/her own application of tools of recovery, the best way to learn.
See right column for Al-Anon and Nar-Anon web sites.
An Important Recovery Principle
"The only person I can change is me!" If you have a loved one who has an addiction problem, one of the crucial facts that you have to become comfortable with is that for all practical purposes you cannot control whether or not, how little or how much, or when or where, an alcoholic or addict drinks or uses drugs. That control can only come from the decision of a the addict or alcoholic to stop use and seek help.
Powerlessness in Al-Anon and Nar-Anon Recovery
Being in charge, in control, and self-sufficient, sound like valuable traits to have, but can, in a person in a close relationship with an addict or alcoholic, result in isolation, frustration, and mental turmoil and confusion. What we can learn in recovery in Al-Anon and Nar-Anon is a balanced understanding of what we can control, and what we cannot control, that is, what we are powerless over (Step One of the Twelve Steps: "We admitted we were powerless over alcohol..."). Clearly we cannot control our significant other's behavior, including whether he/she drinks or drugs. What we learn is that we can control, with the help of others in recovery and our Higher Power, how we react to whatever it is that we cannot control. It is a great freedom to realize that we need not control anyone else, only our own thoughts, actions, and reactions.
An Al-Anon or Nar-Anon Thought
"Mind your own business" is often said to be a reasonable shorthand summary of many of the principles of the Twelve Step Programs, Al-Anon and Nar-Anon. In other words, remind yourself on a daily basis, or more often, as needed, that you have little control over the behavior of the addict or alcoholic, and that trying to keep tabs on that behavior can be a true waste of time and energy.
I strongly recommend Al-Anon (alcohol) and Nar-Anon (drugs) for persons in a close relationship with someone with a drug or alcohol problem. These programs are free, confidential, and can provide support, education, and practical tools to help you.
Al-Anon: http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/
Nar-Anon: http://nar-anon.org/index.html
Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACOAs). Individuals who grow up in a home where a parent(s) is suffering from the disease of alcoholism or drug addiction tend to develop behaviors and defenses to protect themselves from emotional and sometimes physical hurts that result from the parents' preoccupation with the effects of addiction. These behaviors and defenses may in adulthood cause these "adult children" negative consequences especially in relationships. This web site provides information about these issues and location of Twelve Step meetings for ACOAs: http://www.adultchildren.org/
See my site for more information and help online: http://www.alcoholdrugsos.com/FamilyAddictionsCounselingonline.html
