Expert Help for Seniors with Drug or Alcohol Concerns
Al-Anon and Nar-Anon
Al-Anon and Nar-Anon meetings (the Twelve Step Programs for significant others of alcoholics and addicts) can help a person in recovery to work through issues using principles based on the Twelve Steps. What meetings and members in recovery do NOT do is to give advice or tell someone what to do. This approach would deprive the recipient of the opportunity to experience growth by his/her own application of tools of recovery, the best way to learn.
See right column for Al-Anon and Nar-Anon web sites.
An Important Recovery Principle
"The only person I can change is me!" If you have a loved one who has an addiction problem, one of the crucial facts that you have to become comfortable with is that for all practical purposes you cannot control whether or not, how little or how much, or when or where, an alcoholic or addict drinks or uses drugs. That control can only come from the decision of a the addict or alcoholic to stop use and seek help.
Powerlessness in Al-Anon and Nar-Anon Recovery
Being in charge, in control, and self-sufficient, sound like valuable traits to have, but can, in a person in a close relationship with an addict or alcoholic, result in isolation, frustration, and mental turmoil and confusion. What we can learn in recovery in Al-Anon and Nar-Anon is a balanced understanding of what we can control, and what we cannot control, that is, what we are powerless over (Step One of the Twelve Steps: "We admitted we were powerless over alcohol..."). Clearly we cannot control our significant other's behavior, including whether he/she drinks or drugs. What we learn is that we can control, with the help of others in recovery and our Higher Power, how we react to whatever it is that we cannot control. It is a great freedom to realize that we need not control anyone else, only our own thoughts, actions, and reactions.
An Al-Anon or Nar-Anon Thought
"Mind your own business" is often said to be a reasonable shorthand summary of many of the principles of the Twelve Step Programs, Al-Anon and Nar-Anon. In other words, remind yourself on a daily basis, or more often, as needed, that you have little control over the behavior of the addict or alcoholic, and that trying to keep tabs on that behavior can be a true waste of time and energy.
The lyrics to an old Johnny Mercer song. "You've got to accentuate the positive; Eliminate the negative; Latch on to the affirmative; Don't mess with Mister In-Between...", could be the theme song for recovery in Al-Anon or Nar-Anon (the Twelve Step Programs for those hurt by a relationship with an addict or alcoholic).
Step 12 of the Twelve Steps of Recovery in Al-Anon and Nar-Anon (the programs for those hurt by the effects of a relationship with an addict or alcoholic) promises a "spiritual awakening" as the result of working the preceding eleven Steps, including developing a relationship with a spiritual source of strength, attendance of meetings, listening and sharing with others in recovery. What does it mean to have a spiritual awakening? I don't have the time for a full explanation, but will say this: you will be able to maintain emotional balance and a reasonable degree of serenity regardless of the negative (and positive) realities and pain that may be going on in your life.
A New Year's Resolution
Why not think about adopting the following resolution if it fits for you? I will try to be honest about how the drug or alcohol use of someone I care about is causing problems in important areas, such as relationships, employment, health, legally, and if the person's use is causing such problems, I will explore how to get some help. Check out this site for help: http://www.alcoholdrugsos.com/FamilyAddictionsCounselingonline.html
