Some good advice I heard way back is this: "Take your recovery seriously, but not yourself." It is a habit that we often get into, before finding a spiritual way out of the effects of a relationship with an addict or alcoholic, to have an overly grim, deadly serious way of thinking about life, with little room for humor or levity of any kind. I could not understand in my early recovery at meetings of Twelve Step Groups how people could laugh so much; maybe, I thought, their problems with addiction were not as bad as mine. I soon found out that what was different was not the circumstances (which were as bad, or worse, as mine), but how these recovering persons looked at, and thought about, their situations. What was also different was that these hope-filled, people had come to believe in the strength of a Higher Power to aid them in detaching from their problems. To arrive at this spiritual place where you can laugh and take care of yourself in the midst of traumatic events requires attendance of many Twelve Step meetings (Al-Anon and Nar-Anon, the 12 Step groups for persons in relationship with an alcoholic or addict), hard work applying spiritual principles, and a lot of listening and sharing at meetings.
Drug and Alcohol Counseling for Family and Significant Others
Help for Persons with Drug or Alcohol Problem
Expert Help for Seniors with Drug or Alcohol Concerns
This site provides information and help for persons 50 or older who are concerned about their own, or someone esle's drug or alcohol use.
http://www.alcoholdrugsos.com/Services_Seniors.asp#Seniors
http://www.alcoholdrugsos.com/Services_Seniors.asp#Seniors
Al-Anon and Nar-Anon
Al-Anon and Nar-Anon meetings (the Twelve Step Programs for significant others of alcoholics and addicts) can help a person in recovery to work through issues using principles based on the Twelve Steps. What meetings and members in recovery do NOT do is to give advice or tell someone what to do. This approach would deprive the recipient of the opportunity to experience growth by his/her own application of tools of recovery, the best way to learn.
See right column for Al-Anon and Nar-Anon web sites.
See right column for Al-Anon and Nar-Anon web sites.
An Important Recovery Principle
"The only person I can change is me!" If you have a loved one who has an addiction problem, one of the crucial facts that you have to become comfortable with is that for all practical purposes you cannot control whether or not, how little or how much, or when or where, an alcoholic or addict drinks or uses drugs. That control can only come from the decision of a the addict or alcoholic to stop use and seek help.
Powerlessness in Al-Anon and Nar-Anon Recovery
Being in charge, in control, and self-sufficient, sound like valuable traits to have, but can, in a person in a close relationship with an addict or alcoholic, result in isolation, frustration, and mental turmoil and confusion. What we can learn in recovery in Al-Anon and Nar-Anon is a balanced understanding of what we can control, and what we cannot control, that is, what we are powerless over (Step One of the Twelve Steps: "We admitted we were powerless over alcohol..."). Clearly we cannot control our significant other's behavior, including whether he/she drinks or drugs. What we learn is that we can control, with the help of others in recovery and our Higher Power, how we react to whatever it is that we cannot control. It is a great freedom to realize that we need not control anyone else, only our own thoughts, actions, and reactions.
An Al-Anon or Nar-Anon Thought
"Mind your own business" is often said to be a reasonable shorthand summary of many of the principles of the Twelve Step Programs, Al-Anon and Nar-Anon. In other words, remind yourself on a daily basis, or more often, as needed, that you have little control over the behavior of the addict or alcoholic, and that trying to keep tabs on that behavior can be a true waste of time and energy.
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
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